Self Acceptance

Harassed & Bullied for Being Different

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The reason why I choose to be anonymous is not because I’m embarrassed to have mental disorders. In fact, I tell everyone about my mental disorders all the time. It’s just easier when they expect me to behave like a chupacabra but get pleasantly surprised when they find out that I’m actually a decent human being.

The reason for my anonymity is that I was harassed by someone I used to trust. This person is a very close relative of mine.

1. They threatened to lock me up in a mental institution.

2. Along with other relatives, they told me that I need an exorcism.

3. They harassed me via social media, emails and fraudulent complaints to the police (local and international).

If you have ever been threatened, harassed or bullied, please know that you can get through it.

All I needed to do was stop listening to those people. I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t stupid. I was just misunderstood.

All I needed was one person to understand me and accept me. Once I had the support of that one person, I was able to fight countless people by myself. I had the strength to fight them all along, I just needed someone to let me know that I should believe in myself.

Whoever you are, wherever you are. If you need the strength to fight, to keep going or just to stay alive. Please know that you have the strength in you. If you keep true to yourself, if you remain honest, I promise you will find acceptance.


Dear 11 year old me, right now you’re sitting on the floor in the corner of your room. You’ve been wearing these worn out clothes for a week. You’ve been listening to loud angry music on your headphones. You’ve been pretending, holding back tears and longing for affection. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you. I believe now and everything is so much better.

ADHD solutions

Misdiagnosed Mental Disorders

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I saw a therapist for 3 months. At no point did she consider that my problems were coming from anything other than social anxiety. In fact, there were no questions asked in order to find the right diagnosis. Every time I saw her, she just assumed that I had social anxiety and gave me advice based on that.

I stopped seeing her for a different reason. I realized that I couldn’t learn from someone who didn’t have their life together. But it was clear that I still needed help.

The person who helped me get the right diagnosis was myself. After 29 years I finally had an explanation as to why I always felt so weird. Understanding the way my mind works has made it easier for me to accept myself. These are the steps I went through:


1. Google.

I searched for different mental disorders that could explain my behavior.

2. Comparing disorders.

Some mental disorders have similarities and it’s easy to confuse them.

3. Self-observation.

I observed my reactions in day to day life to see what disorders matched my behavior.


What I realized about myself: when talking to other people, I realized that the reason for my social anxiety is not understanding social cues. I am not just terrified of talking to people. I am terrified of missing the cues of when to stop talking, when to ask questions or when to express emotion.


I am not against therapists as I know they can be extremely helpful. I just haven’t had luck in finding a therapist that has the ability to look at the bigger picture as well as the details.
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Legion and the ADHD parasite

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In the TV show Legion, David lives with a parasite (the monster, Amahl Farouk) in his mind that constantly interferes with his life. This TV show depicts what it’s like to have ADHD. It’s like living with a parasite in your mind. It doesn’t let your brain see reality as it is.

I have to fight this “parasite” daily and talk back to it.

  • No, my husband DOES love me when he asks me the same question twice. He just wants to make sure that I get what I want.
  • No, it’s not the end of the world if someone thinks I’m crazy. They will most likely forget about me after one day.
  • No, I’m not allowed to hit anyone when I’m angry. It’s OK to get angry but you know that you’ll calm down in 5 minutes and you’ll regret being so unreasonable.

Unlike the world of Legion, in the real world there is no magical way to get rid of this “parasite”. Yet?

But, seeing ADHD as a second way of thinking present in my mind, helps separate my opinions from those of the parasite ADHD.

ADHD solutions

Tired of.. myself

Adult ADHD boredom

Problem:

  1. Tired of my appearance.
  2. Tired of my voice.
  3. Tired of my thoughts.

Solution:

  1. Look at things outside of me like my husband or my dogs. Mmm coffee.
  2. Pay attention to ideas rather than my voice. Genius.
  3. Develop my thinking, look at the non-self-focused thoughts. Light behaves both as particles and waves.